“Mommy?” I heard her say. “I was praying.”

Let me back up just a little bit.

With all the big headlines yesterday, the topic of Michael Jackson’s death came up. Much was said, much was heard and much was seen on TV.

(With having a little brother in Heaven, death is a topic that comes up every once in awhile in our household. And we talk about it. We don’t shy away from it. We have talked about Heaven and we have talked about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins… We have talked about how wonderful it was for Him to die in our place! And we talk about how we cannot wait to see Him and how we cannot wait to see her brother.)

So last night, while getting ready for bed, she once again brought up the subject of MJ’s death and said, “Mommy, is he in Heaven?” And I said, “Hannah, I don’t know. Only God knows what was in his heart.” And then I went on to say that whoever asks Jesus to forgive their sins and accepts Him as their forgiveness, will go to Heaven when they die.

(I have felt that Hannah has been “believing” for a while now ~ some of the evidences of this are some of the things she has said and done, and prayers that she has prayed. I have wanted to be so careful to not make salvation just about a single prayer, but rather about a relationship and life-long process. Consequently, I never really stressed a “prayer” with her.)

So, last night as I finished getting ready for bed, I heard, “Mommy, I was praying.” And I asked, “What were you praying?” And she replied, “I was asking Jesus to forgive my sins.”

What a sweet thing to hear last night! And even sweeter to be able to say, “Hannah, the Bible says that if we confess our sins, He will forgive us!”

So out of tragedy, new life can spring forth!

Please pray with me for wisdom as I seek to teach Hannah more of Christ. Please pray that God will continue to make things clear to her, and to me, as well? And please continue to pray for little Noah, as he grows, that God will put a love and thirst for Jesus in his heart and that He will bring Noah to Himself?

Watching and listening this afternoon, my heart grew sick and that all too familiar pit in my stomach began to sink, and my anger began to rise. I knew what was coming. Every fiber in my being sensed it. I had been there before, on numerous occasions.

“Oh no! Please let it be anything but that!? Please, don’t let this be coming from a man I respected and admired,” I pleaded inside my head. But my fears and intuition rang true.

With his own words he said, “I have been unfaithful to my wife.” And there it was. In all its glory.

Little by little, in this day and age, it seems that the number of men who are true and faithful to their wives, men who are trust-worthy, are growing fewer and further between. Do they still exist?? Well, honestly, it is in no way limited to men, as it takes two to tango. Do people honestly not know the damage and hurt that infidelity causes their families?! Can they not see the destruction that comes with that little bit of pleasure? Are family and marriage really of so little importance?!

And not to bring more attention to the Jon and Kate debacle, but that is another he said, she said. Who knows the truth? But I have struggled with feeling so sad for them, knowing the path they are just starting out on. It does not heal. It does not change things to just get a divorce. It will not stop pain. It will not erase the past. It does not disconnect what God has connected in your spirit. It will not just end and you will not just move on.

My heart is so very quick to judge. But who am I really judging? These men, or someone who was a part of my life for 5 1/2 years? I think I tend to lean toward the latter. And why do I do that? Am I without sin? Am I in a position to cast that first stone? Hardly.

The Bible says that “ALL have sinned.” We ALL come short of the glory of God. There is not one that deserves the forgiveness He gives. Especially me.

True, I have never had an affair. I remain faithful, but I do have a sharp and hurtful tongue with my children at times. I am a gossip - passing on that latest bit of juicy information. I talk behind people’s backs. I am often putting myself before others. I judge others based on how I see them, not for who God knows them to be. I care too much about other people’s opinion of me ~ at times I find it down right debilitating. And that just boils down to old nasty pride. I fail to trust God with so many things. I worry. I fret.

So on a night like this, when my heart is teetering between sympathy - for Jenny Sanford,  the Gosselin  children, my own broken family- and anger - at the offenders, those whose actions rip apart trusting families, take fathers away from their children and protectors/providers away from their wives - I find myself praying this prayer…

” Lord, keep my heart from passing judgment too quickly. I, too, have a heart that is dirty and desperate within. I, too, am quick to wound others without considering the lasting affects. Remind me of your forgiveness and allow me in turn to grant that to others? Remind me that it was MY sin that nailed your Son to the cross. It was my sin that ripped YOUR family apart. I separated you from your only Son. I am the chief of sinners, but I am a sinner that is forgiven, but not because of anything I have done. It is all of Christ. Thank you, Jesus! Please help me to extend your love to others who are in desperate need of forgiveness?”

Riding in the car this morning, listening to the radio, I was reminded that God is “about” the “process” of changing us. It is about the “journey” along the way and not just about the “arriving” at perfection. Eventually, believers will arrive at Perfection, but not without lots of time in the struggles of today.

“Lord, help me to enjoy the struggles, and the journey. And do not let me miss the joy that is to be had along the way! Help me to remember that You, in your wisdom, have placed me exactly where I am today, and that You don’t expect perfection from me. You only expect me - just as I am. And that You will bring about the change in due time. Thank You for the relief that thought brings.”

Well, I made it to my goal of 30 for 30 ~ 30 minutes of walking, or riding my exercise bike, for 30 days in a row… I took a few days off and now I am back at it. I am shooting for at least 5 days a week and at least 30 minutes each day, but I am allowing different types of exercise this time. I rode my bike for 30 minutes last night. So glad to be back on the bike, again!

While this weekend was so much fun, I was TERRIBLE when it came to food! There were cookies, *YUM!* soda, cake, M&M’s, doughnuts, pasta!! Oh! You name it! And while I enjoyed it, I am glad to be back home and away from some temptation!

But while we were up there, I did spend lots of time going up and down several flights of stairs in the cabin… (Our room was downstairs, and the kids played down stairs ~ A LOT!) And we did a lot of walking, too. At outlet malls and on Sunday evening we had two hours of walking in downtown Gatlinburg. Down one way and up the other. It felt SO good!

Yesterday, I pushed mowed the yard (45 minutes) and got a good workout trying to pull some of the stubborn weeds in my flower beds! And tonight ~ for DAY 23! ~ I rode my exercise bike, for 35 minutes. Not much, but still, I got in more than my minimum, of at least 30 minutes!

Tomorrow, Lord-willing, I will be launching another attack on those weeds… They HAVE TO GO!! And so does this weight!!

Wish me luck ~ I am going to need it!

Right after leaving Hannah’s K5 Picnic on Friday afternoon, we got in the car and headed out of town to Pigeon Forge, TN.

For months, my sister has been spear-heading a big surprise for my Mom’s 60th birthday and my parents’ 4oth wedding anniversary. (On the 30th and 31st of May.)

My Dad took my Mom out of town Friday afternoon after they left Hannah’s awards program. All Mom knew was that Dad was taking her away for the weekend - she didn’t even know where they were going!

And she didn’t know that all of us kids were going to be there, too!

She found out when her and my Dad arrived at the restaurant for supper Friday night and the staff brought them back to the table where we were waiting and we all yelled “SURPRISE!” It was great! Mom had tears of joy in her eyes! (Even Hannah had been in on the surprise for months, but had not said a word!)

We rented a HUGE cabin in the middle of the mountains where we all stayed together! We hit outlet malls, and walked the sidewalks of Gatlinburg. We hit tourist traps and the hot tub. And the FOOD! OH. MY. WORD! The guys cooked HUGE steaks out on the grill one night and we had baked potatoes and green beans! And we had lasagna and salad and garlic bread the next day for lunch! We had doughnuts and cookies, cake and all kinds of delicious goodness to snack on!

But mostly we just really enjoyed being together. One night we stayed up until 1:30 in the morning, laughing and carrying on, telling stories from our childhood… I haven’t laughed so hard in years!

H and N LOVED staying with their cousins, and several times H even said, “This is what I’ve always wanted ~ to LIVE together!!” N didn’t want to leave his “new house.” They ran and ran all weekend long. Thank goodness for the big porches!

I really enjoyed Sunday evening being able to take my kids to Gatlinburg and walk around showing them the sites… It was so nice to spend time with just the 3 of us and then when we rode back to our cabin we took the round-about way, over the river and through the woods, to be exact… It was such a peaceful ride!

 On the way up, and the way home, we saw some beautiful scenery! It was incredible to see God’s Creation and to enjoy the beauty His has displayed for us!

(As always, click on the thumbnail to enlarge…)

View from the driver’s seat.

I love these pictures of H and N checking out the view!

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View from our porch!

(That’s the road waaayyyy down there…)

What a wonderful way to spend a Monday morning!

 If Earth is this amazing, what must Heaven be like?!

Friday, May 29th, Hannah had her final awards ceremony and picnic. And they had a little performance, too… It was a lot of fun. And I was so proud of my little girl!

She received several awards, including: “Most Improved for the Year,” “Awesome Artist,” “Governor’s Honor Roll for Reading,” and her Kindergarten Certificate.

Here are a few pictures from the day…

Sitting with her buddies…

Lining up for their performance.

 Receiving their awards.

Noah & Mommy.

With Grammy and PaPaw!

 All the kindergarten students…

I guess something was kind of funny!

Day 18 - I did walk - pushing two little ones around in a grocery cart at the store for almost an hour. I am going to have to count that. My ankles are swollen today - first time in my life, besides once during pregnancy, that I have ever had that happen. It is kind of weird. Not to mention my sore BUM! hahaha! But that is what I am aiming for!

I have been doing really well sticking to the plan, though.

Monday (Day 15) I was really battling a case of the “sleepies” but God enabled me to get on my exercise bike anyway. I ended up riding for over an hour! What a great way to wrap up the half-way point! I have never done more than 30 minutes on it before!

Tuesday morning (Day 16) started off with a 2 mile/45 minute walk at the park and then when we came home, I cut grass with a push mower for over 2 1/2 hours! (Two yards.) Seriously, I think I had to have walked more than 10 miles that day! It was cRaZY!

Wednesday night (Day 17) I rode my exercise bike for 63 minutes! It felt so good to know that I was doing something good for myself and to see how long I was able to go! That has been really exciting to see, that each time I am able to go a little bit longer, push just a little bit further.

But for tonight, I am going to lay down and get these tired legs up and hope the swelling goes down some! After all, we have fun things to do this weekend! My baby girl has her end-of-the-year, K5 picnic and awards ceremony at a nearby park tomorrow morning! What a fun time for her, and for us! She is so excited and has been talking for weeks about the performance they have planned.

On a side note, I went in for the last meeting with her teacher tonight, to see how far she has come this year and to see how she is doing with her work. I could not believe how much my little girl has learned this year. How exciting to see how far she has come! It put a smile on my face and in my heart, that is for sure. Her teacher told me that H had been such an encouragement to her this year! Praise God! What an answer to prayer and what a neat thing to hear from her first teacher! I was so humbled!

Good job, Hannah. Mommy loves you and is so proud of you, Baby!!

Day 11: 3 miles in about 50 minutes this morning! We met our 3rd friend this week and I was so thankful to have someone to walk with. We met up with her on lap 2 and I was so tempted to stop and go home. So glad I didn’t.

P.S. Although I am hesitant to believe it, the scale says I have lost 6 lbs! I’m on my way!

Please. If you don’t do anything else, please go watch this video. It is well worth your time.